I wish I was a fireman...or a Police officer... I even wish I was a ‘sanitation engineer’...
But I’m not!  I’m supposed to be a Pastor...

There are certain expectations placed on me in this role.  I’m supposed to be a good upstanding moral citizen...I’m generally required to go to church on Sunday’s (if I want to get paid on Tuesday)...but worst of all, people expect me to have it all together.
But altogether I’m not.  In fact, I’m ready to take out the next person who tells me that ‘God will give me the strength’...or that ‘God knows my pain’...or (dare I say it) that ‘God loves me’.

Of course I smile politely and thank the person for their concern...but upstairs in the nether regions of my over active imagination, I am wondering what damage my clenched fist could do at this precise moment.

The former hallmarks of love, hope and charity have given way to anger, despair and resentment!!  I feel unwanted, unloved and un-understood (if there is such a word??). 
And all because of the dreaded ‘D’.

Friday October the 13th 2000 started out kind of ‘normal’.  Glass of coke for breakfast, followed by another glass of coke, followed by half a carton of orange juice and another glass of coke...then a routine doctors appointment (thank God there was a coke machine in the reception area)...

 ‘I’ve got type 1 what????!!!!’

 ‘How...huh??..why??...run that by me again!!...you want me to stick that needle WHERE!!’...

I’ve handled my fair share of trauma before...I’ve been bashed, robbed, dead (ask me about THAT one sometime!!), comatose, married....(erm, maybe that doesn’t belong here!!).  I’ve even survived a flood with just the clothes on my back!!
But nothing prepared me quite for the big ‘D’.

Hypo’s, bsl, protophane, actrapid, endocrinology, NDSS – these are all new words in my vocabulary....and let me tell you, the word ‘prick’ has taken on an entirely new meaning.
And so I continue to rage at God.  Why me...what did I do...why do you hate me...I bet Jesus never stuck himself with a needle!!

I guess that sounds like I’m not a Christian anymore...wrong.  I might be angry at God, but that’s how I honestly feel.  And honesty is the best policy when dealing with God.
This Sunday morning I’m back back at work again, and the stock standard ‘love thy neighbour’ sermon is getting a re-run! 

However, the next time my ‘neighbour’ kindly reminds me  ‘Aspartame’ causes cancer.........